


When Crazy Meets Crazy

by aguwustdick (sugandrew), beary_scary



Series: A Simple Spoonful [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: AU, Coffee, Coffee Shop, Five is tired of everyone's bullshit, Five needed a friend, Five needs a hug, Honey is amazing, Sleep Deprivation, Smoking, So we gave him one, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Swearing, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugandrew/pseuds/aguwustdick, https://archiveofourown.org/users/beary_scary/pseuds/beary_scary
Summary: Five has been acquaintances with a broke college barista for a couple of weeks now when Klaus demanded to meet the person who has been making his brother less of a tight-ass. Five agreed and oh boy does he regret that now.





	When Crazy Meets Crazy

It’s been two weeks since Honey met Five and befriended the man-child. She has not regretted this meeting at all. Five would visit “A Simple Spoonful” at least three times a week, around 11:00 pm, and would order the same thing. A large black coffee.  
Honey and Five began to talk to each other the more he would visit. She knew he was one of those Umbrella Academy kids, he is actually an old man stuck in a child’s body, he has six siblings, and he hates his deceased father.  
So yeah, Honey felt like she knew the “kid” pretty well. And apparently, Five felt the same because he felt the need to introduce his new barista friend to one of his siblings.

Honey had been wiping off the bar of the coffee shop as she silently prayed for the clock to speed up so as to make her shift end sooner. It was nearing 10:00 pm and she didn’t know whether or not Five was going to visit today, but what she did know was that her roommate, Katie, had bought ice cream last night. So Honey’s main goal was to get the hell out of the shop, go home, eat ice cream, and sleep. Little did she know that her plans would be vastly interrupted.

The sound of the door chime going off interrupted the music playing throughout the shop.

“Ooh, ABBA! Great choice.” Honey looked up at the sound of an unfamiliar voice and was met with a matching unfamiliar face with a more familiar face standing next to it.

Five sighed and pushed past his brother. The smaller of the two took a seat at the bar stool closest to Honey and gave the girl an exasperated look. Honey looked at the unknown man and watched as he wandered around the coffee shop, picking up some of the trinkets and looking at the paintings. She noted that he would sometimes glare at something slightly behind him, but she didn’t see anything. The clearing of a throat brought her attention back to Five, who sat patiently waiting for the college student to serve him his usual. 

“Sorry,” she apologized and quickly grabbed an empty large-sized cup, “my attention has been everywhere today.” Five waved her off, “Don’t worry about it.” Honey finished making Five’s coffee and placed it in front of him before turning towards the lanky man who seemed very interested in one of the decorative statues that laid around the cafe, “And what can I get you?”

The man seemed to have been startled by her voice because he immediately dropped the statue to the floor. Both Five and Honey watched as it shattered into, what seemed to be, hundreds of pieces.

The nearly empty cafe went quiet. The only sound that could be heard were the faint sounds of an ABBA song. 

Five tentatively glanced at Honey, scared of her reaction while he fought down the exasperation he felt towards his idiot brother.

Klaus, himself, couldn’t move his glassy eyeballs from the damage he had caused. He could faintly hear Ben scolding him behind him, but ignored his dead brother in favor of slowly looking towards the barista Five had told him about. The silence stretched on as the upbeat tunes of ABBA faded out.

The silence was broken with a loud snort and a series of loud laughs following it.

Five and Klaus (and Ben) watched in bewilderment as Honey burst into laughter so much that tears began to spring from her eyes. Five began to think that she had gone crazy until she finished her fit of laughter, “Oh my God,” she giggled, wiping the tears out of her eyes, “Thank you so much. That thing was fucking ugly.”

Five sighed, used to the young girl’s antics while Klaus tentatively stepped over the damage he caused. He was so used to being the “crazy one” that he had no idea how to deal with someone else taking on the role themselves. He glanced at Ben who merely shrugged in mutual confusion before looking at Five who had taken to sipping his still hot coffee and glaring at Honey in annoyance as she had yet to recover from her giggle-fit.

As he approached the bar, Five glanced at him as if saying, “see what I have to deal with?” and boy if it wasn’t weird being on the other side of things. Huh. Maybe he could actually get along with this chick. Honey began to slow her laughter and walked towards a broom and dustpan underneath the counter. The honey-haired girl began to sweep up the remains of the statue as Five looked at her with a calculating gaze, “When was the last time you slept?” Honey froze and squinted up at the ceiling, counting the hours in her head,  
“About 34 hours ago.” Five nearly (nearly) choked on his coffee as he realized why the college student had a laughing fit over a broken statue.  
“Oh, wow,” Klaus chuckled, having recovered from his shock, “she’s beat your record, Five.”  
Apparently, that was hilarious to Honey because she started laughing. AGAIN.  
Five laid his head on the bar, completely done with the girl’s behavior even though he had only been in the shop for about six minutes. Klaus let out a small laugh, himself, the younger girl’s laughter being slightly contagious. He looked back at Five, who still had his face laid on the wooden bar, “I like her. She has actual emotions, unlike some people I know.” Five merely grunted in annoyance, too tired of the other occupants of the shop and their stupidity.

It took nearly ten minutes, but the statue was thrown away, Klaus got his complicated macchiato, Five finished his first (of many) coffees, and Honey calmed down enough to have an actual conversation as she leaned against the opposite side of the counter.

“So did you use organic pudding?”  
“Of course not! That stuff’s expensive, you know.”

Five hid his smile behind his cup of coffee. Seeing his sibling and his new acquaintance interact in a friendly way seemed so unreal. To think, he spent so many years alone, with no one but Delores, and now he has his family back, and a new person in his life who he could almost think of as a friend. Sometimes, Five would think about why he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve someone as kind and light as Honey! He has hands painted with blood and ears scarred of the pleads his victims cried. How could he listen to Honey’s laughter with those very same ears?

He was broken out of his thoughts as Honey placed another cup of coffee in front of him, giving him a knowing look, “You only finished one cup, chief. I know you normally go through at least three before you leave.” Five gave her a small nod in thanks, ignoring Klaus’s laugh at the nickname she gave him. 

The three spent a little while longer talking before Honey kicked them out so she could close up shop. As Five and Klaus were walking through the door, Five turned back to face her, “Honey?” The girl looked up at the mention of her name, “For God’s sake sleep. I never want to hear that annoying laughter again.” Honey looked at the boy with a fond look as he turned around and left, knowing that somewhere inside, the aggressive (and rude) demand came from a place of concern.

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus loves ABBA and you can not convince me otherwise. I hope you guys are enjoying the series so far! My co-author and I have been working really hard on it and we really appreciate constructive criticism!  
> Also, I'm sorry if this story seems really stiff, I have written anything in a while (my co-author has written the past two fics in this series) so if y'all have any tips, I'm happy to hear them!  
> -Scary


End file.
